Hello all,

I have been away a while and for some reason I cant bring myself to blog.

I was going through my past blogs and seems like each time I am repeating my mistakes only with a different person or situation.

I was sick of reading and writing about the same heartaches and sick of all my self loathing and self pity.

Sick of writing it all and sick of my tears!

I dont want to be this and I dont know how to change from my depressive and over emotional behaviour.

I know I have probably the worst luck ever but I feel sick that I write the same things.. God knows what you all must think of me..

-Marriage obsessed
-Whiner
-self pitying
-over emotional fool
-trusting to a fault
-blind and unable to evaluate human characters etc

I dont want to be who I am and I am tired of being who I am.

So I have turned all my thoughts inside and am letting them churn .. Who knows how it turns out and who knows if its for the better!

All I know is..

I need to concentrate on work even if I hate it because i need the money or i'll be homeless

I need to be strong and stop living in my foolish fantasies and stop dreaming about things I cant have.

I need to make the best of what I have (job,a house etc)

I guess watching all my dreams shatter since a very long time has made me wary of dreaming! or hoping!

I dont need to date nor do I wish to ever! Being single is the best way to live even if it sucks during holidays and festivals or when among smug married friends.

I am not going to keep trying in the hope some day some frog might turn into a prince because thats not how India works the more men I date the more I am branded a slut and the less I date the less the chances of meeting anyone.

Its a Catch 22 and I am choosing not to date- at all. This time it's final.

I dont care if fate throws some nice man again I dont want it.. Okay!!!! I just dont!

No more trying to put myself out there and giving my heart only for it to be stamped on!

No more whinging and moaning about my loss.

No one else seems to be crying for me why should I be the one crying for anyone? Why is it that I help a person along with their problems and when I need someone I am alone?

It's sheer bad choice and I have to remove my rose tinted glasses and be more cynical and not have faith in all humans are good.

Anyway .. I shall not Rant more either. I am taking time off.. I will keep in touch .

Take care everyone!