This weekend was a disaster from the word "GO"

The Office Party was a Biggest Disaster as far as I was concerned!!

Mr. AD was initially supposed to drive me tot he party but later called and stated he was unwell and will not be attending party.

Which was fine! I dressed in my olive cord trousers and Black Grape coloured velvet and silk top .I did not attempt to get my hair in order and had no makeup and had mum drive me to party.

I looked like a fruit-not really delish!

I was in zero mood to dress up in skirts for an office party where the gender representation was 99% men and 1 % women and these men will gape and make comments had I worn anything remotely sexy.

So anyway, confident that I still look OK I reached party.

I was circulating and greetings colleagues when this girl in high stilettos and sexy dress walked in. I didn’t know her and wondered if she was probably at the wrong party. Then I saw Mr. AD with her!!

OH JOY!!

Mr. AD then came over to my side with her and introduced us. She was his EX.

Younger.Slimmer.Dressed sexier.Ex.

The ex he told me was terrible and that his Mother had rejected her too

I felt like I was drop kicked in the guts!

Mr. AD told me that she was just a good friend as now I am but the blood had already drained out and breathing was a problem.

I still had him and his Ex sitting next to me and I chatted for over 30 mins with his ex.

I have nothing against her after all. She is just 24 or so.

But I couldn’t stand there anymore and so called mum and left the party after a respectable amount of time without causing any suspicions or scenes.

I then purchased 5 books to read and take my mind off Mr. AD and ex (especially the party where she had her hands on his thighs and touched his face)

I moped and moped at home.

I even called and told him off for being insensitive-maybe I shouldn’t have I should act sophisticated and aloof and stuff like his ex (she danced and basically had fun at the party).He said that she dragged him out and that he got her to party so people stop any speculations about us and that ex has a new boyfriend already.

Anyway... now I feel numb!

I think something has snapped inside and I feel trapped within my own mind. I couldn’t sleep for more than 3 hours a day and the insomnia was enough to kill me and each time I woke up I kept reading the books I bought (Twilight series).

I think I need to see a counselor. I really do!

I feel depressed and my friends who were with me throughout the weekend to cheer me up told me she and her hubby felt like I was drifting away and not really with them.

I think a few counseling sessions and a couple of sleeping pills might help me... The depression just refuses to go away...

I am irritable and gloomy and I don’t even talk at home.

My friend has suggested a makeover and shopping to cheer me up and I am not sure anything will help.

When I stop reading my books I start thinking and when I start thinking I get more depressed and don’t sleep and feel like I am a Ghost.

I am going to get a shrink... The years and years of suppressing my pain and past are resurfacing with a vengeance.

My mind is screaming even though I am outwardly calm, and I feel like running away.