The Green Ogress

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, July 30, 2008 10:08 AM
Subject: Adieu

All,

I wanted to take a moment to let you know that today will be the last day with Company.

I have enjoyed my tenure here and I appreciate having had the opportunity to work with you all.

Please keep in touch I can be reached at my personal email address myemail@email.com

Thank you for all the support.

Cheers!

Me

This is a Reply from my Client

From: Client
Sent: Wednesday, July 30, 2008 2:42 PM
To: Me
Subject: RE: Adieu

PF,
Good luck in the next part of your career, if you ever want a reference, I'd be happy to provide.
Thanks for all you did for us.

Regards,

Sent using a T-Mobile Dash so please forgive any errors or omissions

It's last day at work and I have to fill some forms and return my company given Laptop too( that hurts)

I have nothing left to do. Nothing.

I may not be online after today for a few days or so maybe a week.

We sold our PC and so am devoid of a computer when I get back.

Hopefully I will get a Job soon and maybe a Laptop along with it which I can use

Incase I dont see you all! Dont worry I will be back

“Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.”

At work..

Almost time up here now.

     You Are Ginger 

 

Like ginger, you are a total shape shifter.
You can be sweet, spicy, mellow, or overpowering.
You are both soothing and unique. You are popular... yet you are often overlooked.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatspiceareyouquiz/

I dont wanna think of work!

I know i will be Jobless this week however I cant feel the urge to go to work

One of my best friend( A Man) and his wife are expecting.

She is 6 weeks pregnant and really excited as this is their first baby.

I will be there for her Baby shower when it comes

I am sooo soooo Happy for them.

God Bless!

I am somewhat envious and sad which is so petty

This is probably a not so rare insight into an Indian Man's thoughts on Women.

It made my head swoon i tell you.

I was talking to this friend and both of us were generally cribbing about the crappy love life we have.

He decides to give me the honest advice .. Here is why he thinks I have a crap love life and that I get indecent advances from Men.

He says

1. PF you are a very sexually attractive woman and with a voluptuous figure.Maybe you should exercise or something to reduce your "voluptuousness"

2.You unknowingly give out "vibes" to all men . He told me that 4 years ago at work there was this man (from his team) sitting next to me and seems my foot accidentally brushed his shoe( we sat in tiny cubicles) and he came up to all the guys and told them that I am "craving" it or seem desperate ( What the ##$@%%^)

3. you dress and carry yourself well , your dress sense is provocative and accentuates your body so you need to somehow wear clothes which aren't flattering( For the record I never wear skirts I am usually in Jeans and a tee shirt and never ever any deep necklines)

4.You have a family background because of which Indian men wont marry you. Even I ( Who likes you soo much) cant get around the fact that your parents are divorced.

5. Your upbringing is too forward for India and you would do better living outside India.

6.Any man who marries you will have to be real brave

So basically any woman who dresses well and can speak her mind and is sadly not flat chested is asking for it.

I officially detest Indian Men and they are imbeciles

..I ever made.. and I have a history of poor ones

I met wonderful people who have encouraged me and been a good friend and never once was i told " shut the heck up" for all my rants.

Thank you all

* BIG Group HUGS*

I dont know why i live or my purpose.

Each day i live i cant bear to anymore.. Depression does that to a person I guess..

I wanted so much and dreamed of a better life only to see all of my dreams methodically shattered.

I always is pouring.. it always is a "phase"

How long do i delude myself that my troubles are only temporary? Especially when they never seem to cease?

My mother told me I was turning negative-something i wasnt before..

I cant help being negative at the face of it all and not one respite.. not one..

No shoulder to cry on , no hand to hold and no one to stand by me and help me face this all.

Dont tell me to stop this nonsense... I know it is.. But I have no one I cant turn to rant about it all..

I am angry at myself for being stupid and dating ex and then stupid going all angry when he cheated and try to extract my revenge..

My small piece of revenge and it's costing me my life..

What harm did i do when i got my revenge? Nothing on them.. Infact nothing really happened..

I am the person who was hurt and betrayed yet I get to continue paying..

There is no God, no fairness and no good.

All I want is to be left alone and not be bothered .. thats too much to ask I guess...

What goes around comes around? Well those who hurt me dont really seem to be burning in hell..

I want to scream till my throat turns sore..

Whatever Happens .. I am not going down without a fight.. a real good fight..

He better answer me now!

Enough is enough!

.. Damn Alcohol when you need it?

Not from Blog.. but from real life..

I am planning a full disappearance from the extended social network.

Only be in touch with the ones really close and some family.

The reason?

Well I want to start afresh and not have to stick to the old crowd and since most of the old crowd are those fake "friendly" types I am not interested in continuing it.

Also Ex's wife again emailed today "wanting to talk", Am pretty sure its more threats and stuff and I dont care anymore.

I have been pushed to the ground and there is no way out but to strike up and assert myself.

I will bury all past and start a new present once I leave this Job.

More importantly I will break off ties with Monsieur as well

I know its not new year but I am making a change.

1. No dating
2. No sex( this kind of clashes with me wanting a baby but anyway..)
3. Move to a different country ( Siberia might be good)
4. Get a Job
5. Stop being so depressing.
6. Be more Organized

.. I was not alive.. I really do!

After yesterday's Party of the Launching of The Blogship Lollipop (click here) I woke up late and was hungover :>>

Phil and I danced our hearts out!

It's sad the weekend is over now ....

I spoke to my Cousin ( Dad's Sister's Daughter)

We haven't met or spoken since Mum and Dad separated when I was 10 years old.

I am meeting her this weekend before I leave.

I missed the extended family bonding after my parents split.

We remembered good old times when she and her brother would come over to my house and stay and we'd have so much fun playing hide and seek.

God I miss being a kid

Okay here it goes.

My HR told me my documentation verification was good!

My boss tells me that it wasn't and showed me an email stating that.

Then the things gets weirder as they said someone tipped them off from my ex company that i was faking documentation.

My ex company was an ex BAA company and I know for a fact that they wonr verify details of an employee two years after they quit.

So i asked my friend in HR and she stated that ex's wife is in that company now and she emailed.

Bloody Fucking hell

I mean people seriously have no lives and people seriously are vindictive, and seems like God helps such people too...

They have the money and comforts of life and here I am loosing a job and possibly going to be homeless and money less .

Sometimes I really doubt there is any fairness and good left in this world.

So This a rough draft of my wish list to God!

1. Get me a good job with a good pay so I can atleast buy a small house and live comfortably
2. Once the job front is secure Improve my love life- lets say by 200%
3. Stable ,secure life with small luxuries of traveling for holidays etc.
4. Simple,satisfied,happy and loving life.
5. Need a baby girl

I was given this hugse 650M$ deal to work on and since I am leaving I was pulled out of it.

Now I get this email from Asst Vice President Business Development to a Manager regarding the feedback from clients

"From: AVP-BD
Sent: Tuesday, July 15, 2008 5:37 PM
To: Managers
Subject: transfer of knowledge
Importance: High

..how u have taken the dump from PF?.. as the client was yesterday mentioning that she gave some good points etc ..

She also had mentioned that she had SOW (Scope of work like an agreement)draft with her ..

Okay!

Who can help me get a job?

Any Job? Soon? ASAP?

*hyperventilating*

OH MY GOD the Gravity of being Jobless has sunk in

In the Previous post I told you how this VP is offering me a job.

He called again and I bluntly told him the offer is good but I will not take it with "strings/conditions" which are of a non-professional nature.

Told him I am not ready to take a Job in which I will be propositioned( indecent).

So what do ya all think?

Too blunt?

Good?

Bad?

From this Jerk in my company who has quit and joined another as VP.

The issue?

He is that weird man who was constantly pestering me to go out with him( the married with 8 year old )

Crap!

I know He will expect favours and I dont ever get a job based on that

Its weird how i seriously want one.. and that too a baby girl.

I must be going

I sure wish.

Talks of working in Russia for a IT company

or

Work as a Assistant in some store

Or

Clerical Job in a dinghy Office

Or

Unemployment

Or

Swiss Bank Company

Or

Unemployed Artist (i could go back to painting but it doesn't pay)

Or

Could I join some Radio/Media place?

Maybe not I have no qualification in Media or anything else

Will we Live with barely enough food or anything? Forced to be on the road?

The Questions plague me.

I am Looking forward to this weekend of relaxation ( after a week of absolute mess)

Seems my BT Business head is giving my Boss a very very Hard time.

yesterday he called Boss on a call to discuss "discrepancies" which happened to be certain comments which has capital "Y" instead of a lowercase "y"

45 minutes a call to discuss such things.

He is mad that the company is not retaining me at all.

Well I still haven't got a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully things will work out

EDITED:

I remembered after posting this I didn't mention why I titled this blog Human Resources.

I spoke with HR and they will give me a clean reference

The Head of Business Ops from BT called me and had his team call me to know why I am leaving and he is not happy!

Infact He is going to bring this up with my boss and team!

Gosh!!!!!!!!!

I have asked him to not disclose to company that he knows of me quitting because if he did my team here will make my life hell.

Super Hell..

So now have to talk to him to ensure he wont talk to my VP and Heads

I have been told to introduce a new person to my project because of the fact that I have been asked to resign.

When I informed my client that I will be leaving this is the email I receive

From: Head of Bussines Ops
Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 7:30 PM
To: PF

PF,

I am surprised and very sorry to hear that. Is this something you want and if not is there something I can do or say to get you to stay ? We have spent a lot of time getting to a position where you understand what we do and the way we do it and I don’t want to lose that. We also still have all the reporting to train and transition and that is at least a month away still.

Regards,

Head of Business Operations | BT Americas Inc.

My own Company ofcourse doesn't care , I have resigned and they havent even bothered to reply to my resignation email.

I spend most of it taking calls from friends and wellwishers.

Some thought me quitting was a mistake of Elephantine proportions ( maybe bigger)

Then I had my Mum's sister call me and sound me off for resigning without thinking of my responsibilities.

Over all Friday was cry-day for me!

Then I accidentally met another of my School Buddy who recognized me and walked up to me( again married recently and the usual question thrown at me- are you married? NO? wow didn't find anyone after all these years?)

Hey she is a nice person just the usual mentality here is that 26 you should be married.

anyway it was lovely meeting another old friend after 10 odd years!

Then Friday night and Saturday was spend in a drunken haze to eliminate the fact that my life seems to hitting a brand new LOW( the lower then the moss which covers the earth)

I am lost
I have lost the will to work
I have lost my usual enthusiasm

One person told me I was running too fast and am suffering from the after effect( burn out)

Maybe I am.

What worries me is that if I dont get a job in 2 weeks- i am in for some major disaster.

I will have no house because I cant pay rent.

I will have very little money and

I have a mum to take care of

Plus my pet Zoe is preggers and expecting s litter soon

I have one choice.. go back to my town where i grew up and live in the house we had there.

That town is a sleepy old town with very old fashioned people and hardly any work for women which pays.

The VP was 6 minutes late( fashionably late I guess) !!

and then he picked up my resume and started grilling me for minute details of all my 5 year worth of experience in various fields.

Why I quit my Job?,
Why i changed my field?
why I want to change my job again?
why is it that i have stuck to my previous organizations for a year and not more?
why did i leave X organization and what was the cause for it to loose reputation in the job market?

I mean for over 1 hour 30 minutes this man just kept going on and on.

I needed breaks to drink water but not him!!!!

I wonder if VP's generally grill a person at interview for over one hour.

and when at the end of it I asked him for my feedback he states " well your profile is interesting however I am looking for someone with Banking /Financial service experience. I will have my HR get back to you"

OKay! so does that Mean i get it? or not?

Lets play the Russian roulette shall we now?

I am sitting at this video conference center waiting for my final round of Interview with VP of a UK based company.

Wish me Luckkk!

PS: I am sleepy

I think I am suffering from it.

At one place I feel free! I feel good and I feel amazing having decided i dont want to do this anymore.

On second thoughts I am worried- i have a mum to take care of , a house to pay for and many things to take care off.

I am in a fix.

Mum wanted to move here and I dont know If I should get her here now because I am not sure where I will be next week or the week after.

I wish she can stay put for a week or so more to give me time to atleast get my act together!

She is my responsibility now and I cant have her running all over the place at her age.

God help!

Yes I do!

My Boss is again on about my "issue" with the company over my documentation.

Now they say "things are getting bad" and worse case is that I will be asked to leave.

Well I am tired of living under this pressure and so I quit is what I told him.

I have an interview (Final video interview) with VP of another company and hopefully I get it!

I just pray to God that my "ex" doesnt find me there too ,to haunt me and constantly try to ruin my life.

Please God Please! no more mess no more "ex" and no more such situations!

It's my mum's Birthday today!

My mum was born this day in 1953.

I love you mum!