Virginity & Indian Men

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Virginity & Indian Men

by PrincessFiona @ 2007-05-24 – 19:29:46

I’m not on an "I hate men" mission just to clarify.

I am very much head over heels for this one fella who is definitely the right kinda wrong.

It amazes me that we are Hypocrites .I am Indian and I am not a virgin.

The issue is in India women accept men who aren’t virgins(well at least one of us has to know how it's done and lets face it we girls want out Mills & boon earth shattering sex),The Indian men are a different breed all together.

If they want self gratification they love to screw with women who are experienced. For girlfriends and wife's they prefer virgins.

More so for wife because for some screwed up reason they think that a woman who is a virgin is a better person and has morals and is virtuous compared to women who are confidant & comfortable with their sexuality.

It's my question to all Indian men- Will the presence of a hymen make me a better person? More trust worthy?
Well I can go to a surgeon and get my hymen surgically remade, will that satisfy you?

It's such a big deal of a tissue and it frustrates me.

I am a normal person with every right to decide when/who i have sex with and that DOES not make me a lesser woman.

I know our mind-set is changing now and we are more accepting, However instead of screaming "Racism" over Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty issue, eradicate this "racism" against those who aren’t virgins.
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66 Comments on Virginity & Indian Men

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- BlueButterfly
- 2007-05-26 @ 17:00:22
Sounds like Indian men need to get in the real world, this is 2007! Anyway I agree with you, why should a Virgin be any more virtuous etc! It seems like those men are hypocrites anyway, if they are sleeping with experienced women before marriage or while they are married, which makes them unvirtuous and immoral! They appear to have one standard for themselves and another for women!
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- PrincessFiona
- 2007-05-27 @ 14:42:13
Thank you BlueButterfly..Indian men do need a wake up call..This is one of the reasons I dont date because if i want a serious relationship i need a person who is ready to like me (the good and the bad parts)

God forbid if i tell a guy i had a one night stand.. he would want to definitely sleep with me however he would brand me as "promiscuious"

This has been the idea of Indian men over centuries!!!I know a few who arent like that ,but they are very few.
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- blackkie
- 2007-05-31 @ 14:30:20
Hey, sorry to badge in here. Do you not think the men also have a choice as to who they decide to cherish?

If a man doesn't want you cos you're not a virgin, find a man who wants you. Everyone makes choices based on perceptions and beliefs and it's the choice of the Indian men whether or not to cherish a non-virgin.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-07-26 @ 16:16:30
  Hey I completely understand "choices"
  but when 99% men think like that its a problem and a prejudice!
  
  I wanna fight it! why discriminate as per the virginity status of one is a good person or bad!
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- Rina (Visitor)
- http://www.fallacious.blog.co.uk
- 2007-07-26 @ 14:14:46
Hey,

I totally know what u mean,
Being Indian myself iv met a few guys like that and sometimes they just turn around and call u all sorts.
And don't get me started on if u date or have sex with someone from a diff religion! (drama, drama, drama)

R.x

P.s Your blog is great!
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-07-26 @ 16:18:18
  Thank You Rina!! I know (DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA)
  
  I am frankly fed up and dont date at all.. I will date someone who is not a hypocrite and doesnt hold silly prejudices!
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- blackkie
- 2007-07-27 @ 21:40:58
PrincessFiona,
Do you see it as a problem and a prejudice when you dont want certain kinds of men?

Why discriminate between men?
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-07-28 @ 15:42:59
  I Dont think some one is a lesser human and a male prostitute because he slept with 5 women! I am talking pure discriminiation based on the fact that virgins are better than non virgins!
  
  Its thought passed on for how many centuries and we are now in the modern world and accept that women arent conquests! their job is not just to be virgins and bear children for their husbands and stay in a kitchen!!!
  Indian men may say they agree when when it comes to choosing a wife they instantly revert to the 1900's idea of virginity
  
  And hey I have dated one such man so you cant say im prejudiced!!!
  
  If i dont date all men its because only with some do i find that mental chemistry! Its the same when we choose friends!
  
  now even you do the same!! date only a certain kind of woman!
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- blackkie
- 2007-07-29 @ 08:48:12
Maybe those guys dont find the chemistry with girls who are not virgins as well.

I have nothing against non-virgins. I just believe that people should be able to make choices in life without others crying out about discrimination. Everyone has reasons for the choices they make.

If you feel competent to label them for their choices (you said they got their thinking from the past. why dont you credit them with the intelligence to make choices?), they should also be competent to label you for being the way you are. They may also be of the opinion that we are in a modern world and a girl should not be sleeping with every man she meets. Except if living in the modern world means that sex is meaningless...hope you get my drift
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-07-29 @ 15:54:51
  You have it all wrong! My statement has nothing to do with "chemistry"
  
  Men in my country believe women are ment to be meek and submissive and not independent!
  Sex without marriage is independence of thought and actions which are unsuitable to women in general
  
  You cant know what my country is because you dont live here!
  
  I am not talking sex with anyone just meaningliess I am talking women who are in a relationship and consent to sex!
  
  Men are okay to live with women and even keep mistresses but when it comes to marrying it has to be a virgin so they can have sex with her and produce babies and feel dominating and then go out and sleep with other women!
  
  Do you not see a pattern here? Virgins to marry and dominate and non virgins to have fun with and dump?
  
  This is a fact of India and any indian woman will tell you this
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- blackkie
- 2007-08-01 @ 11:43:40
So, maybe you should go for the type of men who dont mind women who have had sex.

You have now combined the sex thing to independence of thought and mind. Indian men should also have the independence to decide what kind of men that they want. You may call it discrimination but they probably have something they call what you do.

Although I have never been to India, I do believe that men should be free to make choices the same way women should be free to make choices. I also dont believe that any set of beliefs or cultural practice should be the standard for everyone in the world. Indian culture and ways should be respected and Western cultural ways should also be respected.
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- blackkie
- 2007-08-01 @ 11:44:36
My point is that if Indian women dont like it, they have a choice...they can go to men from places which accept such sexual practices.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-08-01 @ 15:28:40
  You say it as if an entire population of indian women are going to go to a different country and try to find men!!
  
  Sorry thats not an option! Most are stuck to men who humiliate them subjugate them to voilence and mental torture and dont say a word because it sis unacceptable for a woman to denounce her husband!
  
  I dont wish to argue my point because I know India and Indian men a lot better than you do! even if you feel the need to defend men and throw light on "choices"
  
  What would you prefer in a woman?
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- blackkie
- 2007-08-02 @ 13:22:54
I do know that I'd rather not have a woman who thinks it's wrong for a man to expect some chastity from a woman.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-08-02 @ 18:16:53
  And i cant be with a Man who thinks my virginity is the proof of my virtue,acceptability and good nature and a acceptable person to bring home to parents
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- blackkie
- 2007-08-03 @ 13:22:18
Why then are you moaning to the world about it? They're not the ones moaning about it.

Have you considered what you think are the qualities you rate high may not be the ones they rate high? They have a right to desire women that they know are not gonna be thinking about sex and the temptations. You also have the right to chose men who dont care whether their women have sex with the whole world or not...it's all a matter of choice.

They are not moaning.
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- vijayprakash82
- 2007-09-20 @ 10:12:30
Virginity is maintained as part of a sense of guilt in our minds. Men generally wish for their women to be chaste due to this. Women also are,if you agree with me , concernad more about their own virginity more than any thing else, especilly in India. All these people belive that if you break free and get rid of your virginity, the guilty complex would be too painful to bear. However it is just the reverse and those whom actually break free are in a sense liberated and psychically sound. Those who fear losing virginity will harbour guilty complex, since they also harbour amorous wishes, that also of immense proportions, and would hate themselves unconsciously. This hatred for the self could ultimately back fire, resulting in Masochism.

So, plainly speaking, women who get rid of their virginity and thereby their guilty complex are more mentally healthy.

Such women would never become hysterical persons. Such a quality is what men want, but,ironically, along with thir virginity. Both these won't go together. The virginity of men in India is almost a nonissue too. That is also unfair.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2007-09-20 @ 11:07:43
  I agree the more you supress the worse the reaction (most times)
  
  I dont profess peoples indulge in casual sex !
  
  I agree women are women's worst enemies..we are concerned about maintaining they are chaste (even if notreally).
  
  And men want women chaste because of guilt or the complex that they might bejudged with the woman's ex in bed or simple possessiveness that they should be the first and only man in their woman;s life.
  
  I'd say a person who is comfortable with their sexuality is more likely to be a balance and rational person than one who is supressing their sexuality .
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- bheja (Visitor)
- 2008-02-11 @ 00:02:20
if the guy who himself is not virgin is asking for a virgin bride, he is an asshole. But if a virgin guy asks for a virgin girl that's normal, I guess.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-02-11 @ 06:24:23
  Bheja! how many men are actually virgins? I mean Technical Virginity is all crap anyway.. and yes most guys Virgin or not.. ask for a virgin bride!so to sum it.. yep Assholes
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- krishna (Visitor)
- 2008-02-29 @ 00:53:37
Interesting Princess!

India is a land of beliefs which are in many ways meant to screw your freedom and human spirit.virginity and virtue. wow.They are connected by no means and I'm all with you. Infact, I feel good when a girl can stand up for what she is and shares her experience with her exes. It screams maturity. maybe, we should meetup
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-03-06 @ 02:48:22
  ha! meet up? dont mind me but am skeptical about men! i know most just want to get under my clothes but think i am a tart..
  
  and some a plain rude..
  
  read the comment from a very proper Manoj on this blog
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- Manoj (Visitor)
- 2008-03-05 @ 15:07:43
u r talking about premarital sex now, u also emphasis on ur right to choose whom u want to sleep with.God help ur husband.U r the sor who would choose even after marriage.Good luck to your husband!
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-03-06 @ 02:49:47
  Thank you for the best wishes i am sure my husband will be very lucky to have me in his life
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- Dia (Visitor)
- 2008-03-21 @ 06:22:39
Some of the comments from the men on this blog is indicative of Indian culture. What's wrong with our culture? Sticking to the beliefs that have no practicality in 2008? Maybe that's it.

What's wrong with premarital sex? I don't understand. I am a medical student, and from what I know, it's an emotion that needs to be released. If you don't, it can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. Sex is a requirement for a healthy life (you can look it up on google, if you wish). In India today, the avg age that women get married is about 25-26. Earlier, it used to be around 18-20. So, with this increase in the definition of "marriageable age", the desperation for physical intimacy has also increased. Are you telling me that I need to be a virgin till I get married? i.e. till 25-26? Let's see one of you men do it and then we'll talk.

Good blog btw - allows for some interesting discussion =)
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-03-21 @ 08:34:19
  Dia, I agree with you if we keep our feelings repressed its not a healthy thing for the mind and body!
  
  I did study psychology and i agree with you 100%!
  
  however Indian men are just plain irritating and hypocrites.
  
  I hardly date because of these issues, i cant be with a Man who has double standards!
  
  Thank you for reading my Blog Dia
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- Viraj. (Visitor)
- 2008-04-02 @ 18:35:02
I'm a virgin and I am 22 I don't feel like I have repressed anything. I believe that giving your virginity to the woman you love (your wife) is the most precious thing a man can give. Ofcourse I am a rare breed of "Indian man" an endangered species. Well thats my stand point.

I'll let you know my opinion on some things that you wrote and I dunno if it will help but..oh well here goes.

I don't think I am a hypocrite in the light you have put us in but I understand the frustration you have. I think it's wrong that this group of "my kind" have "double standards" as you put it. I'm sorry to hear that.

You said in your blog

"The issue is in India women accept men who aren’t virgins(well at least one of us has to know how it's done and lets face it we girls want out Mills & boon earth shattering sex),The Indian men are a different breed all together."

...not really I mean theres always sex education and you could always uhm work it out yourself, sure you wont get it right the first few times but hey in time it gets better I think.

"If they want self gratification they love to screw with women who are experienced. For girlfriends and wife's they prefer virgins."

Yeah thats terrible. But hey I'm not like that so I guess it's not applicable to me.

"More so for wife because for some screwed up reason they think that a woman who is a virgin is a better person and has morals and is virtuous compared to women who are confidant & comfortable with their sexuality."

Nopers not entirely true I mean from a virgins point of view (me) the reason isn't about what you have written. For me it is simply because it is an intimate thing you should share with your special someone you marry. It's more exciting when you havent done it before and thus it makes it more special. I don't think it makes you less moral and you have less virtues if you have sex before marriage.

You said

"It's my question to all Indian men- Will the presence of a hymen make me a better person? More trust worthy?
Well I can go to a surgeon and get my hymen surgically remade, will that satisfy you?"

My answer

I hate it just as much as you do, know why? Because I think that these bastards that demand virgins spoil it for innocent people like me who actually have a greater need for someone pure.

I mean I have nothing against an experianced women I just do not wanna say something like "2 minutes in heaven is better then 1 minute in heaven" as an excuse for premature ejaculation in sex (I hope that never happens but I am sure it could) and be a disapointment because they have had "better" which would hit hard on my ego thus hurting my feelings.

Your hymen has nothing to do with it...or lack of it for that matter.

My advice is be blunt and get to the point with the next guy you meet and like and talk about sex and tell him you arent a virgin but at the same time tell him what sort of woman you are when it comes to sex and hear his viewpoint, being open is the best way. Prehaps he'll understand or maybe he wont. You wont know until you try thats my point and giving up on dating certainly is not going to help.

Because I am sure not all of my kind are demanding like that. I wish you the best I really do.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-02-07 @ 14:44:44
  Viraj
  
  I dont think 2 mins or 1 min have a lot to do with it all.
  
  If 2 people love each other how many minutes he "lasted" is the last thing on mind.
  
  I have loved one man and lost and realized he was scum and just used me.
  
  I was a virgin . i never had a boyfriend till i was 23 years old. Never interacted with Men infact.
  
  Its just that i was a sitting duck to a man who knew how to trap innocent women like me( he had trapped 2 or so before me)
  
  I got trapped and now it seems i am not exactly anyone's idea of a wife because I was silly enough to fall in love and then get swept off .
  
  There are many double standards out there..
  - - Viraj:) (Visitor)
    - 2009-05-15 @ 22:53:15
    "I dont think 2 mins or 1 min have a lot to do with it all.
    
    If 2 people love each other how many minutes he "lasted" is the last thing on mind."
    
    It does when she starts comparing me to a previous lover she has had. It's an insecurity I have i guess, something I can't help being a virgin I feel. Although perhaps your right in theory if two people love each other how long he lasted should be the last thing on her mind, although I figure i'd inadvertantly be compared to a previous lover...the very thought of it makes me uncomfortable. I suppose in the end it depends on the individual and what she is like, but a womans heart is an ocean of secrets so i'd never know and she'd never tell me hence why i'd prefer a virgin so I have a sort of guarentee this wont happen. Also the idea that another mans cock has been inside the woman I love bothers me, what if he had a larger member? What if he did it better then me? So many questions which I hate and rather not have in my mind.
    
    "I have loved one man and lost and realized he was scum and just used me.
    
    I was a virgin . i never had a boyfriend till i was 23 years old. Never interacted with Men infact.
    
    Its just that i was a sitting duck to a man who knew how to trap innocent women like me( he had trapped 2 or so before me)
    
    I got trapped and now it seems i am not exactly anyone's idea of a wife because I was silly enough to fall in love and then get swept off ."
    
    I understand why you fell for this guy...i mean afterall you had no contact with other guys so to you all this guy had to be was nice and sweet and it would be very easy for you to fall for him. You shouldent feel bad what happened. I wouldent go as far as saying you arent anyones idea of a wife. There is someone out there for everyone. So don't just give in. Sure out society is prejudiced against women that are non-virgins before marriage but I'm sure you'll find a nice guy who will love you very much and more importaintly is compatable with the sort of person you are.
    
    Yes there are a lot of double standards out there, but I'm an Indian guy who doesn't have those double standards, I have inhibitions put in place so I do not come out as a hypocrite or oxymoron if you like . So if I am living proof of someone like you i'm sure that there will be others so you just got to keep looking and never give up. .
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- K Mishra (Visitor)
- 2008-05-05 @ 21:08:36
Dia, a majority of Indian men DO remain virgins till they are married in the mid-20s to mid-30s. So if you want to talk, there will be over 200 million Indian males you can talk to. It is kind of silly to think that every Indian man who wants a virgin wife isn't a virgin. In India, a woman who is a virgin expects a virgin husband to, right to the point that a non-virgin man is considered a 'loafer'.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-05-07 @ 09:56:21
  I mostly do not wish to argue the point. But I have lived in Indian metros throughout and those areas do have amajority of men who are sexually active. I am not interested in technical virginity because thats just a whole lot of hogwash!
  
  And no Men who are loafers are those who are constantly changing women and not those who have had atleast one relationship!
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- KMishra (Visitor)
- http://www.agentelrond.com
- 2008-05-07 @ 12:49:42
I lived in Mumbai and Delhi throughout my college and school years and from my personal experience I can say that a majority of guys in college who claim they aren't virgins are usually lying. We aren't talking about 'technical virginity' we are talking real virginity here. Most guys haven't even kissed and would brag on about their 'exploits' that an experienced person can easily pick up as a fantasy.

I lived with four flatmates during my college days at Delhi University and only one of them was actually a non-virgin, the rest were all virgins who pretended otherwise. Girls in India are pretty easy on a guy if he is a virgin, yet guys do lie about it mainly to be seen as a 'stud' among other guys (and some girls).

The virgins who pretended to be non-virgins wanted a virgin wife, perhaps because of insecurity issues or because they wanted her to be exclusive. The actual non-virgins couldn't care less unless the girl sleeps around.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-05-07 @ 16:18:31
  well its all so confusing... why pretend? i mean in India there is no peer pressure on how many women one screws !
  
  Well .. i have known a few non-virgins expecting virgin wives just because it makes em feel like the "man" and possibly dont have to worry about comparision!
  
  And how many years ago were you in college if you dont mind me asking
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- KMishra (Visitor)
- 2008-05-07 @ 17:57:32
In India, the height of sexual experimentation in the 15-30 age range is premarital sex, promiscuity is a couple of generations away. A lot of guys haven't screwed even a single woman so it isn't in the number that the peer pressure is on, but the deed. In smaller towns this peer pressure may be less or non existant, unlike in the metros such as Delhi, Mumbai or Bangalore.

If they are not pretending, then they come off as insecure and immature hypocrites who are filled with double standards and devoid of respect for women. Most of the guys that are actually not virgins won't care about their wife as long as she isn't promiscuous.

I graduated in 2006 from the University of Delhi.
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- Neo (Visitor)
- 2008-07-12 @ 06:19:05
I'm a 25 year old who just found out that his GF is not a virgin (she had it before our relationship). We've not had sex yet. I wud like to believe that "virginity" is the silliest sh!t that wud come between us & I love her like hell regardless of this!

But now there is something inside of me thats not feelin right; I get images in my head (u know wat). I dont wanna talk to her abt this cause I'm scared it may hurt her in some way . It wud seem I'm takin advantage of her honesty. I hate the thoughts running thru my brain & I'm disgusted by the way I think abt all this. I'm f@ckin confused!

Am I to be blamed for the way I am? Does this make me the narrow-minded freak?
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-07-12 @ 13:24:51
  Neo
  
  I should think you should appreciate and respect her honesty!
  
  She could have never told you or worse lie and then what? what if you later found out the truth? wont that have been a bigger issue?
  
  Instead of "comparing" and imagining her in bed with someone else you should talk it out with her! But with care. Dont accuse her or try anything funny.
  
  Tell her you love her but her past seems to haunt you a bit and you need her help in getting over this bit.
  
  Well you arent to blame( this is how Indian mentality is ) you have been brought up with a mindset and its difficult to get over it
  
  If you love her , really love her it wouldn't matter what she did in her past
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- rameshraju (Visitor)
- 2008-07-17 @ 10:15:23
A virgin (or maiden) is, originally, a young woman characterized by absence of sexual experience (see Etymology). In terms of sexuality, Virginity is the state of being a virgin (never had sexual intercourse). The word virgin comes via Old French virgine from the root form of Latin virgo, genitive virgin-is, meaning literally "maiden" or "virgin"—a sexually intact young woman. Contemporary English dictionary define the term virgin as a person (male or female) who has no sexual experience with opposite sex.

In Sanskrit a virgin is called akṣata-yoni. Kṣata means "diminished", a is the negating prefix and yoni refers to female reproductive organs generically — used freely for womb or vulva as context requires. Hence akṣata-yoni suggests something like "undefiled womb" or "unspoiled vulva", but could be understood specifically as "unruptured hymen". Common related words are kanyā and kumārī, which refer to a young, unmarried girl, a bride or a daughter in general.

In human females, the hymen is a membrane, part of the vulva, which partially occludes the entrance to the vagina, and which stretches, or is sometimes torn, when the woman first engages in sexual intercourse. The hymen can vary widely in thickness, shape, and flexibility. In the majority of women, the hymen is sufficiently vestigial as to pose no obstruction to the entryway of the vagina. The presence of a broken hymen may therefore indicate that the vagina has been penetrated, but also that it was broken via physical activity. Hence the presence of a hymen is a possible indication, but no guarantee, of virginity. The only guarantee of the loss of virginity is the pregnancy, which is a major outcome of sexual intercourse. Hence virginity has greatest significance in the life of a woman. Traditional women in India value their virginity more than their lives.

In case of men, there is no concept of outcome like pregnancy in women or loss of hymen layer. The only possbility is the loss of semen, which is reproduced automatically with in few hours after having sex. Producing offspring is a oneway traffic in which man takes initiation on a woman. Man's virginity in fact is impossible to detect by any means. This is why men are least concerned about losing their virginity. In terms of sexuality, virginity has very less significance in men. In fact, the word virgin has no musculine gender. The word 'Male Virgin', though not existed in english dictionary, is used by feminisits to protest against patriarchy.

In Psychology, Virginity indicates a pure state of mind, attitude and activities. It applies to both men and women as well. A man or woman loses their virginity when they engage in bad activities and evil thoughts.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2008-07-17 @ 13:19:16
  The point being? that its basically a lot of issue over a silly tissue?
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- anupama (Visitor)
- 2009-01-04 @ 16:00:56
The point is not about some silly tissue or some membrane in your body ..its about the personality and attitude. Virginity is considered sacred in India and people do expect it to break it with the life-partner (both men and women). Will you accept if your life-partner (after marriage) cheats on you?? This is not accepted even in western countries ...so why not apply the same rule before marriage?
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-01-04 @ 18:36:07
  I think you misunderstood my point. I am not discussing "cheating". Having a partner before getting married is not cheating.
  
  Everyone nowadays has a relationship before they get married.
  
  and lets not discuss the "so called" west because there atleast the people are not prejduiced about one's past.
  
  They care more about fidelity when you are in a "relationship" whether married,dating or live in.
  
  virginity has nothing to do with cheating when with someone.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-01-04 @ 18:38:29
  PS: to clarify when i say before marriage i dont mean you are dating one person and engaged to marry and sleeping with another.
  
  I mean a relationship which never worked out. and later you met the person you then married.
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- Kshemya (Visitor)
- 2009-01-09 @ 05:50:02
Hi all, it is interesting to read all the comments. I have been half raised in India and half raised overseas here. I am single,hindu 26 yr old girl. I am a virgin but have been raised in a way that my future husband or the guy I will marry would not be a virgin. No matter how unfair it may sound, there is no point protesting against way things are I suppose. The ways things are built around society are such 'mostly built around mens ways'. I do not see things changing for a while infact may never change. Eventhough we are in western country I would get a response such as 'you will find out after marriage' from mom for any question of sex or things like that. Guys who had relationships or sex will become good husbands as per my aunties sayings etc. I do not agree with this but this will be said so to shut us girls up and end up marrying the guy they choose. It is a big no no for girls 'us girls (sister,cousins)' not speaking for entire population from anywhere us girls are not allowed to have boy friends etc and none of that. Also my aunty tells me even after marriage if the guy has other affairs I should ignore it and carry on with life as normal. She says girls outside marriage stay outside as long as guy stays as a husband regardless of his sexual activities elsewhere that should not be a concern. She says that it is their karma why do you spoil your karma? if he finds girls then he will have fun for some days and come back to you eventually. Frankly I do not like this aunty she is a first cousin of my mother. Anyway I will not do anything to hurt my parents or family. It is all about expectations. Nothing should bother one if they have their attitude sorted out I suppose. By this I mean take the life as it comes. I used to be angry and complain in my teens but not anymore - this Indians call it maturity hahaha. Anyway what I mean to say is nothing will change by complaining and being bitter. I used to worry that if the non virgin guy I would marry - how would I keep him happy... in the sense will he have baggage from previous relationships etc. Then it will be my responsibility to ensure he can let go of his baggage over time and become a happy person. By the way one thing I am happy about is that I have been raised to be an independent person in many ways financially etc so if the guy leaves that should not matter. This is it,marry for the sake of marrying etc...life goes on. I am lucky I am not in some village being married as a balika vadhu. I am happy and content with what I have in my life - touchwood.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-01-09 @ 11:13:26
  I am simply horrified that such thoughts exist.
  
  My parents brought me up to believe men and women are equal. They ensured it because i have an elder brother who cooks and I am not that great at it.
  
  I know my parents were probably idealists and didnt think much of the society. They lived in the society but preferred not to follow it blindly.
  
  I am the same. I am not Anti Indian Society values and silly beliefs but I dont follow it blindly. I ensure I follow unbaised ones only.
  
  Any type of hypocracy is not acceptable in my world.
  
  Maybe thats why I am single because I am different( weird) maybe as per the usual standards.
  
  I would Kick my husband out if i found he was cheating. We were taught the values of Honesty, Fidelity and zero double standards.
  
  I have been brought up In India throughout.
  
  I have travelled a lot and one thing i have realised( i do not mean to insult) that Indians Abroad are more conservative than Indians in India.
  
  I am happy that you are independent and happy in your Life. Its very important.
  - - Kshemya (Visitor)
    - 2009-01-10 @ 03:17:34
    Glad to see you are strong princess... I agree with you completely. Also it is true Indians overseas (not all but mostly) do tend to be conservative. I guess I made my choice of ensuring my parents are happy. I don't want to do anything to hurt them. Regardless the world where I come from there are only double standards. We girls do get equal rights in terms of everything else apart from sexuality etc. Also I am told I think this is not true but a myth that guys who are nonvirgins do tend to treat their virgin wife well and be true to her and not stray as they have already explored everything beforehand. I think it depends on individual. You know what I have kept my distance with the aunty I was talking to you about. When I repeat what she said to my sis and dad they get so angry with her. She is a pain really. I pity her daughter my cousin (we are 2nd cousins). Well mostly Indian guys no matter how educated bla bla.. once it comes to sexuality do explore it all but want a virgin wife when it comes to them. Hypocrites no wonder things are still the same in the world. I don't think it should matter really. I tell my parents and sister etc that I will raise my kids differently. meaning girl does not have to be a virgin if a guy isn't for marriage. Only seems fair. But God time will show maybe I will become like parents who knows. we wont know till we become parents. Also I think the thing is its more important to be happy with what we have I realised. I will never let anyone take my independence away from me. Hope you are happy with your life too.
    - - PrincessFiona
      - 2009-02-07 @ 14:37:58
      i am happy with my life except sometimes when the attitudes make me sad i am In India.
      
      I wish many times i was not here
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- a woman (Visitor)
- 2009-01-26 @ 11:10:11
I am an Indian woman who has lived in India and abroad . If you are a woman born in any country of this world except for a few handful of cultures , you will realise this : Its a Man's world out there and hence life is unfair for a woman. There are so many issues which women face just for being a woman ...Society has been very harsh on our kind.But only a woman will understand.. There is no point in discussing it with men, since they have the upper hand in any way..so why bother with our issues. They just label us as 'feminists ' and leave the issues behind.
Talking about your topic of Virginity and Indian men. The fact is simple as u stated..Most indian men WANT virgin brides , even if most of them ,themselves are not. Its simply because they cannot accept that a woman even has a sexuality , given that women are brought up to suppress it from birth.Society will drill it into you..women have to be chaste whereas men can be well..anything. Its so common in india..women walk around in salwar kameezs or modest attire , while men, boys on the street hurl out lewd comments, crop a feel, touch,stare..etc etc.Its our culture, our society..and the truth. Well, i was a virgin before marriage but my husband was not. I still get angry at this, but then i think i was stupid.As a woman i have the same right as a man to sleep with whoever i feel like. Being a virgin got me no accolades. Whether we sleep before marriage or not is unimportant, whats important is what we bring to our relationship. I think most cultures make a big deal out of sex...Its not .. Fiona dear,this is what i have to tell u , and my lil daughter too..Screw this stupid culture of ours and enjoy life,experience life..If a guy has no qualms about your past, hez the guy, if he does , he just isnt the one to marry for sure...Considering most indian men make an issue about the tissue, u might take a lil longer to find the right guy (virgin or not)
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-17 @ 19:53:06
  Thank you! i find your words very encouraging and very realistic..
  
  As you will read there are many such "silly men" who have commented and told me i am trash for speaking this out
  
  I do hope though that by the time your daughter starts dating or is old enough the world is a better place or if not atleast more tolerant. thats whats missing.. tolerance and understanding
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- xclancy (Visitor)
- 2009-03-08 @ 15:43:04
If you are afriad of getting married.. cause you are not virgin... and planning to remain single

Forget the guilt... and get into relation and yes this time dont make any stupid move.
Love the guy and then marry him, he will never ever wants to know whether you are virgin or not. Dont built the buildings in the mind.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-11 @ 15:33:27
  Hmm good idea.. finding the man and falling in love is dificult.. but i remaing hopeful one day I will fine love again
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- AmT (Visitor)
- 2009-03-09 @ 00:31:23
There are a LOT of indian men who are virgin( metros are changing but your belief that most of the men are not, is incorrect ). Comparison to west is a lot of bull in such a case. Men and women tey many sexual relationships there till the time they get married - even till the end, they involve in bachelor or bachelorette parties. So, it has become a part of culture there. In India, given that men ( and women ) grow up with certain beliefs, its difficult to keep them aside. Food for thought: Would you be fine with a husband if he was a pimp and had 100 women before you ( though he may be most sincere person in world? ). Its a exaggaration but hopefully you have got the point across. Dont get biased and blame men. They have right to make a choice as much as you have.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-11 @ 16:01:35
  you are exaggerating. We arent talking 100 women.. But I have knwone men who I liked and who are stil good friends(now married) who had 17 girlfriends.. and to be honest.. if i had to marry them i have no hesitations..they were honest ,still are... and good men!
  
  I am not biased.. i say things as i see them
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- virgin boy (Visitor)
- 2009-03-15 @ 05:49:56
mam i m 22 indian boy good looking and still virgin and my virginity is my dignity not leck of apportunity why because i beliave in my coustoms and morals they have reasons and i have a q if loosing virginity is not bad,and having sex with many partner is good then what is the difrence beetween animal and us and what is the difrence between a call girl and a non virgin girl.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-16 @ 19:31:22
  my dear boy your ideas are a little fuddled~
  
  There is a difference between animals and humans and also your so called "call girls" and non virgins!
  
  i am not about to give you a lecture on the ethical and sociological boundries .
  
  Also since your view is slightly distorted may i say i am sorry?
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- Kasa (Visitor)
- 2009-03-17 @ 06:05:07
(male, married happily) Well in a Indian Context, males prefer their bride to be virgin because it shows that she is emotionally matured and has self control. In western society men and women both usually have sex many times before marriage, changes partner and that's the way it is. No one cares for others. And there is no concept of sacrifice as everybody is trying to enjoy their lives to the fullest, but in vain. Finally both men and women suffer....from broken heart...or insecurity. The only excuse that remains is that, "he/she was not a virgin, so what, I also had sex with many men/women....".
It's best to remain virgin and wait for your perfect match. You'll feel that you are made for each other.
"Well I can go to a surgeon and get my hymen surgically remade"-well you won't become a virgin just like that, so easy haa!!.....

do penance for anything you have lost and want to regain.
If you live two years of ascetic live, without sexual pleasure and thoughts, you will surely be virgin again, take my word.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-17 @ 14:23:40
  I am not sorry for what i did. I dont need penance!
  
  I do believe us Indians are caught between two worlds
  
  A) we cant leave our past behind
  we cant walk with times either,
  
  I dont belive western world is filled with miserable people. Yes heart breaks are there.. so is the case in india.
  
  I think next all will say women going to a disc and having a beer is also a sin!
  
  Please get out of the dark ages!
  - - Kasa (Visitor)
    - 2009-03-17 @ 16:27:29
    I didn't know that you are expecting a consolation. And from people who are similar to you.
    "I dont belive western world is filled with miserable people. Yes heart breaks are there.. so is the case in India."- I am not talking about people or exceptions, but the social system or trend.
    "I think next all will say women going to a disc and having a beer is also a sin!"- I don't care if a stranger is going to a bar.I only care what my friends and relatives are doing.
    I am not in dark ages and I'm quite successful here.
    - - PrincessFiona
      - 2009-03-17 @ 17:15:08
      You have this absolutely wrong.. I am blogging my thoughts i dont expect consolation.. free world.. freedom of thought ,speech and action or have your forgotten the basic Human rights? are indians that blind now?
      - Kasa (Visitor)
        
        2009-03-17 @ 19:24:18
        
        "freedom of thought ,speech and action "- well I cheer for freedom of thought and speech. That's why I expressed my view and I don't care if you think bad of me.
        But is there any freedom of action? or should there be? Is there is no need to punish the criminals? lets do whatever that pleases us, without thinking of any social consequences.
        You are free to think and express your view, but your every action should be careful as it involves others too.
        I appreciate your view, but in some points I think you are utterly wrong.
        
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        PrincessFiona
        
        2009-03-17 @ 19:56:19
        
        those are my thoughts wrong or not i am the queen of my blog and i write what i feel and experience.
        
        If you dont think they are right.. dont read them
        
        AND just for info since when have we punished men who raped and got away with "she asked for it because she wore revealing clothes or tight clothes etc etc"?
        
        and i know for a fact my actions dont hurt anyone so thats why i have the liberty to do as i please..
        
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        Kasa (Visitor)
        
        2009-03-17 @ 21:17:16
        
        "she asked for it because she wore revealing clothes or tight clothes etc etc"?
        --I thought you didn't hated men.(don't say that you only hate men like me)
        By the way, I haven't condemned guys or girls specifically. Looks like I am not the only one who holds prejudices.
        
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- Kasa (Visitor)
- 2009-03-17 @ 16:05:54
Defending is good,... but it won't give you anything that you want.
Good luck.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-03-17 @ 17:15:41
  Defending? you know i can only smile, smile at your ignorance
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- Aby (Visitor)
- http://www.indiainpictures.com
- 2009-04-24 @ 19:37:42
@ Neo - What you are feeling in completely natural (as a 25-year old male virgin with a sexually experienced girlfriend) and not narrow minded. It has little to do with your being an India, if you were an American in San Diego, the situation wouldn't have been much difference. You'd be able to get easy on it once you've lost your virginity and get 'experienced', so to speak.

@ rameshraju - (Referring to the last sentence) And what would such 'bad and evil thoughts' be?

@ PrincessFiona - No offence but if you think "Everyone nowadays has a relationship before they get married", then you haven't seen much of India. The REAL India I mean, not the 'make believe' metropolitan India. In the west, people are not prejudiced about others' past because they themselves have had a past. If Americans first sexual experiences were at the age of 27, after getting married, they'd have been as much, if not more prejudiced than Indians.

@ Kshemya - No offence again, but your auntie seems to be a hypocrite. If you stay virgin till marriage, you deserve a husband who himself has 'saved himself' for you. Make no compromise here. If your future husband is socially sanctioned to be sexually experienced, then so should you take the same rights (whether your society gives them to you or not).

@ PrincessFiona - I am a male and I cook because I enjoy cooking. I couldn't care less whether it is a 'gender-leveller' or not. I find it funny the way some men find cooking emasculating, or women who find cooking 'opressive'. By the way I agree with your presumption that Indians in US and UK are stuck in a cultural time freeze.

@ a woman - I pretty much feel the same about Indian culture, albiet over different issues altogether. In think what India needs is a drastic 'cultural revolution' so that a lot of the cultural baggage thats dragging India behind is uprooted and dumped.

@ virgin boy - Your derogatory statements pretty much prove that you don't have much of morals. Just some culturally conditioned herd mentality that you think represent morals.

@ Kasa - (Regarding broken heart and insecurity) The situation isn't much different in India. The only difference being that Indians are so hell bent of the concept of 'sacrifice' and so tabooed about divorce that they don't recognise the concepts of 'broken heart' and 'bad marriage' (that is so rampant in the traditional Indian marriage scenario). By the way, your comparision of criminals with someone who chooses to live life on their own terms is logically flawed.
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-04-24 @ 20:29:37
  Aby
  
  I feel you made very strong and intellegent yet practical statements and trust me one of the few men who by this have earned my respect.
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- Aby (Visitor)
- http://www.indiainpictures.com
- 2009-04-25 @ 18:10:59
Thank you for your compliments and apologies for the grammatical errors (as I've noticed now). Perhaps it was a drink too many...
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- - PrincessFiona
  - 2009-04-27 @ 15:06:25
  perhaps so but you made the point clear
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